My Disarming God
(NOTE: this is written on the road with a kindle, so it will probably not be posted for a day or so and may seem brief)
Allow me to begin by saying I am extremely thankful for a car with heat, a loving, hilarious family, 70 mph speed limits, peppermint, water, biscuits, Dramamine, my old stuffed puppy (yes... I still have it), and a VERY good God. Now isn't that an interesting combination? Oh! And sleep!! If I thought I was sleep deprived before, I'm even more so now, so every second of sleep is treasured.
And now for your regularly scheduled reading. ;)
DISCLAIMER: I'm no expert at this. Even I have to continue to go to the Bible and other people to learn, and He has blessed me with so many people who are ready, able, and willing to help me through things like this. I'm no expert, but I have seen God's work in my life recently, and it is so much more real than it has been.
Well, every once in a while, God presents me with a challenge that seems to have me cornered on all sides -- a challenge which drives me immediately to prayer, as opposed to those which I think at first I can handle and then realize my weakness and go to pray. The first time I really noticed this was when I went to a week long summer camp in August. I didn't know anyone except my sister, who was occupied. I. Was. Homesick. Terribly homesick. I can't tell you how much I cried. "Why am I here? I don't want to be here. If only I had my family here. If only You understood." If only, if only, if only. I was so upset, I didn't drink or eat or sleep. I was angry with God for putting me in this place. And then He disarmed me with His grace, patience, and kindness. I didn't deserve the people He sent to me, those "angels" who took me in and loved me. Sat with me while I cried and even cried with me sometimes. His kindness amazed me, and I began to feel happy. Every moment, He gave me a challenge. I tried to brush Him and His commands off, but He proved to me that I needed Him. It hurt my pride to admit that, but every time I prayed, I had to say it. "God, I'm lost. I can't do this on my own. I need help. Send me people to minister to me."
And He did.
Another moment of this was just last week. Sunday, I had to say goodbye to my pastor and his wife, who were moving. I loved them. They were so much like family, but God planned for them to move. I cried a lot that night and finally prayed. "Okay, God, I need a lot of help now. I don't want to give them to You if they have to be far from me. I can't, Father, on my own. I need You to intervene, comfort me, and give me peace. Let me give them to You." And it's been painful. I'm still crying. But every time I start to mourn, He gives me peace. Once again, an experience that drives me to my knees.
And then there are those nights where I just lay in bed and sob. "God, I hate my sin. I despise this life of sin. I need You in my life. I need you to intervene." And although I also have to pray for patience -- because God doesn't work on my schedule -- He does. It's not easy, because following Christ requires giving up the sinful world. But He makes it worth it, doesn't He? With His promises of peace, eternal life, and simply Himself.
"Ok. So that's all nice, but what happens when the world beats down around me?" I ask myself. "God won't be there."
And right then, God practically slaps me in the face. "Come to me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28).
He wants me, He died for me, and He loves me. Because of that, He once again brings me to my knees. "Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief. Help me to love You, think of You, and serve you as You call me to. Make me submissive to Your will."
Every time I become angry at God for my circumstances, He turns my anger into gratitude, joy, reverence, and obedience and humbles my very prideful spirit. He grants me peace, mercy, and protection at my worst moments. Yes, it's hard to remember this when He sends me hardships, but I know He will see me through, because that's just the type of Heavenly Father I have, and I could never want anything more.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to entertain the six-year-old while we try to drive through South Carolina with crazy drivers and intense traffic... And maybe take a nap so that I don't start going completely crazy later. ;)
Allow me to begin by saying I am extremely thankful for a car with heat, a loving, hilarious family, 70 mph speed limits, peppermint, water, biscuits, Dramamine, my old stuffed puppy (yes... I still have it), and a VERY good God. Now isn't that an interesting combination? Oh! And sleep!! If I thought I was sleep deprived before, I'm even more so now, so every second of sleep is treasured.
And now for your regularly scheduled reading. ;)
DISCLAIMER: I'm no expert at this. Even I have to continue to go to the Bible and other people to learn, and He has blessed me with so many people who are ready, able, and willing to help me through things like this. I'm no expert, but I have seen God's work in my life recently, and it is so much more real than it has been.
Well, every once in a while, God presents me with a challenge that seems to have me cornered on all sides -- a challenge which drives me immediately to prayer, as opposed to those which I think at first I can handle and then realize my weakness and go to pray. The first time I really noticed this was when I went to a week long summer camp in August. I didn't know anyone except my sister, who was occupied. I. Was. Homesick. Terribly homesick. I can't tell you how much I cried. "Why am I here? I don't want to be here. If only I had my family here. If only You understood." If only, if only, if only. I was so upset, I didn't drink or eat or sleep. I was angry with God for putting me in this place. And then He disarmed me with His grace, patience, and kindness. I didn't deserve the people He sent to me, those "angels" who took me in and loved me. Sat with me while I cried and even cried with me sometimes. His kindness amazed me, and I began to feel happy. Every moment, He gave me a challenge. I tried to brush Him and His commands off, but He proved to me that I needed Him. It hurt my pride to admit that, but every time I prayed, I had to say it. "God, I'm lost. I can't do this on my own. I need help. Send me people to minister to me."
And He did.
Another moment of this was just last week. Sunday, I had to say goodbye to my pastor and his wife, who were moving. I loved them. They were so much like family, but God planned for them to move. I cried a lot that night and finally prayed. "Okay, God, I need a lot of help now. I don't want to give them to You if they have to be far from me. I can't, Father, on my own. I need You to intervene, comfort me, and give me peace. Let me give them to You." And it's been painful. I'm still crying. But every time I start to mourn, He gives me peace. Once again, an experience that drives me to my knees.
And then there are those nights where I just lay in bed and sob. "God, I hate my sin. I despise this life of sin. I need You in my life. I need you to intervene." And although I also have to pray for patience -- because God doesn't work on my schedule -- He does. It's not easy, because following Christ requires giving up the sinful world. But He makes it worth it, doesn't He? With His promises of peace, eternal life, and simply Himself.
"Ok. So that's all nice, but what happens when the world beats down around me?" I ask myself. "God won't be there."
And right then, God practically slaps me in the face. "Come to me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28).
He wants me, He died for me, and He loves me. Because of that, He once again brings me to my knees. "Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief. Help me to love You, think of You, and serve you as You call me to. Make me submissive to Your will."
Every time I become angry at God for my circumstances, He turns my anger into gratitude, joy, reverence, and obedience and humbles my very prideful spirit. He grants me peace, mercy, and protection at my worst moments. Yes, it's hard to remember this when He sends me hardships, but I know He will see me through, because that's just the type of Heavenly Father I have, and I could never want anything more.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to entertain the six-year-old while we try to drive through South Carolina with crazy drivers and intense traffic... And maybe take a nap so that I don't start going completely crazy later. ;)
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